


Dream Forever

by SexyTransformersFangirl



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Angst, Emotions, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Overdosing, Sad, Sleep, Speeding Bullet (Team Fortress 2)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-07-15 05:28:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7209722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SexyTransformersFangirl/pseuds/SexyTransformersFangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He thought he'd never see those pills again. He was wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

The deathly cold area was stabbing the young boys open wound. The Scout panicked, his eyes looked frantically around, desperately seeking cover and determined not to give up. All he needed was a breather and then he could go back to fighting- he couldn’t give up, not after his already poor reputation of being the ‘kid’ around the base. He wished he could call for the Medic, but he knew his calls would be ignored. Respawn was his only salvation.  Blood was gushing from Scouts injured stomach, his abdomen barely holding the organs fighting to escape. The snow was tainted with blood, as the Scout coughed, and heaved, and cried out loud. Everything went black, and the pain subsided.

He was back at base.

The young Blu crumpled to the ground, still shaken up from the ordeal. It got worse everytime he went on battlefield. He was a good fighter, but his mental health seemed to take a turn for the worst when his own team didn’t want any contact with him at all. What had he done to deserve such isolation? He swore he had more conversations with the enemy during battle than with his own team off hours. Sure, they weren’t all bad, it was just a few particular people, or to be specific a particular person. Scout looked up to the man, yet he wanted nothing to do with the supposed child. The Blu scoffed at the thought- he was no child; he was 21 for fucks sake.

“Mission Ends in 10 seconds!”

It was pointless to go back out there and Scout knew that. His team was losing and no matter how much he contributed in 10 seconds it still wouldn’t help. The team started popping into the respawn room one by one. The Engineer was first to come back, and he waved and slapped Scout on the back in a friendly manner- that man had to be one of the nicest on the team. The room started getting less spacious, and more loud, and the Scout held his head in his hands, feeling a headache coming on. He had to get out of there. He briskly stalked out of the room before he could meet the eyes of a certain person who seemed to despise him.

The Blu walked mindlessly to his room, he just wanted to sleep- but his headache became a migraine. Sleeping was a fruitless effort- so instead the young man concentrated on trying not to throw up from the insane throbbing in his head. The Scout fortunately remembered the first aid kit that was issued to everyone in their rooms in case of emergency, and hoped to god to find some pain killers. He sluggishly reached under his bed for the small kit, and prayed thanks to Medic for thinking of putting first aid kits in everyone’s room.

Bandages, more bandages, even more bandages, 3 miscellaneous band aids. Not exactly what the Scout was hoping for in a goddamn emergency kit. Maybe the others had better stuff in their kits. He would have gone over to the Medi-Bay, but Scout knew he would throw up before he even got half way there, so his roommates were the best option

The closest room to him was the Sniper. Sniper- the man who hated him for no reason at all. He definitely couldn’t go in there. The snob looked down upon him for reasons denounced to the young Blue- all he wanted was to be his friend, but instead the guy shuts him down, calls him a child and makes fun of him in front of the whole team. If Scout knocked at his door, he could very well start yelling at him, making his already terrible migraine a thousand times worse. The Snipers room, however, was the closest room that would have a med-kit and he knew he couldn’t walk up or down stairs to get to any other room. He was conflicted. Why was he cursed to have Sniper as his only neighbour?

All he had to do was ask for painkillers right? The Sniper wouldn’t surely get mad at that. It wasn’t like he was doing anything wrong. With that thought, the Blu mustered up his energy to go next door.

He knocked but no answer, so he tried again. He was trying to be patient, angering the Sniper would only mean angering his sore head and he didn’t want that. He heard slow footsteps on the other side and the door opened to reveal a very tired looking Sniper.

“What do you want?” His voice was groggy like he had just woken up, and the Scout felt slightly bad for disturbing his slumber- until he remembered how much of an asshole he was.

“I was jus’ wonderin’ if you had any pain killers?” The Scout got straight to the point, he wasn’t in the mood for any shit right now. The Sniper upon hearing his request, rudely shut the door in his face. The Scout couldn’t help but muster up a colourful string of swear words directed at the Sniper. The poor guy sauntered back to his room defeated. He couldn’t even believe the Sniper was that heartless, he hadn’t even done anything wrong. Was he really that hard to stand?

When the Scout eventually arrived back to his room, he sat carefully down and held his temple. Maybe his old bag had some pain killers let in it before he arrived at base. He crawled to his cupboard to find the old sports bag.  He hadn’t looked at this growing pile of dust since he first came to base. His mum packed it for him, he just took it without question s arguing would be a pointless effort with the mum he had.

He scrounged the bag, there wasn’t much that would be of much help in there, however his old baseball bat was in there which brought back a load of memories. It might even be useful against the Reds. He used to have a hell of a swing. Scout presumed looking in all the nooks and crannies, until he discovered the fresh crinkling of what he presumed was painkillers. To his dismay, they were something entirely different.

They were his old sleeping pills.

The boy paled instantly, remembering the harbouring addiction he had. At first it was simple enough, he couldn’t sleep- nightmares often lingered during the night, and his insomnia took a turn for the worst when his mother found him shaking in the fetal position as he claimed to be seeing monsters. Or, in his case, hallucinations. That would happen after not sleeping for approximately 6 days straight.  The young Scout was hospitalised soon afterwards, and the doctor suggested sleeping pills. He wished his mum hadn’t been so eager for him to take them; they worked a little too well in his opinion.

It was almost impossible to ween off them back then, considering how long the Scout had been using them. He started when he was about ten, and quit when he was eighteen- he had been clean for many years. It was hard at first to break the cycle, but eventually he could sleep without any medication. Even on those sleepless nights when the night terrors would come back, he would just make coffee and stay up until it was morning. That rarely ever happened though. Throughout the course of staying at Blu base, the young man had only ever had 3 sleepless nights. Not a big deal.

The Scouts track down memory lane halted when he felt the incredible pain of his migraine hit him full force, causing him to heave and throw up ungraciously on the floor. He didn’t want to take sleeping pills to escape the pain but there was nothing else to relieve him of the war that was consuming his head. With reluctance, he crawled to his bed and swallowed two pills, falling into a blissful sleep.

Away from the pain, away from everything and into a black hole of nothing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating in a while, and if there are many errors sorry for that too. I just do this for fun :)

When the Scout awoke, he was in a state of panic. His head was blindingly painful and he was on the verge of puking again. He couldn’t remember anything that happened and how he ended up in a room he couldn’t recognise, and a bed that wasn’t his. His heart was beating, he was shaking, he was sweating, he felt hot; cold, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t talk, he couldn’t yell the words he was thinking. 

Someone help me. 

His vision was black. He started grabbing at anything, he fell off the bed with a loud thump and tears were pouring from his eyes at the pain he couldn’t physically feel; but he knew it was there. Hands started grabbing him, and he thrashed and yelled but he doubted the people touching him could hear. 

Get off me. 

The Blu felt like he was being forced down, having no choice but to actually lay still, like his invisible captor wanted. This only made the Scouts’ anguish worse.  
Someone was pawing at his hair, and it somehow felt relaxing compared to the mental strain happening to him. A damp warm cloth covered his forehead and his striking headache calmed down slightly. His mum used to do this when he woke up from a nightmare all those years back. Maybe he was back home, and his mum was looking after him. He didn’t know, but he stopped thrashing, and all that was left was a persistent shaking throughout his body.

“Poor Kid.”

Scouts heart froze when he heard those words- he knew that voice. He could have pinpointed it in a large crowd of people; it was that distinct, that familiar. The Scout had so many questions. This whole scene didn’t make any sense to him at all. Why was the Sniper of all people, pretending to care? Was the Medic forcing him to do this? How did he even get into his room?

Was this a dream?

That very thought made the young boy twist and writhe. He couldn’t get back into the cycle- all his hard work getting off the pills only to be sucked back onto them. What had he been thinking when he made the mistake of taking them? His vision was starting to return, but it was fuzzy and disconcerting. He could only make out faint figures- the ceiling light, the lanky form of Sniper. The smell of his room was nauseating, like musk and dirt mixed together. He threw up on himself and what he could presume was Snipers bed.

Scout instantly winced when Sniper was towering over him, expecting to be hit on top of all the pain he was experiencing. But, surprisingly, the sharp shooter lifted him from the bed and kissed him on the forehead. That was so out of character for Sniper, the Scout knew he was dreaming and manically laughed in the Australians arms. 

“GET OFF’A ME!” The young Blu was shoved the Sniper; and the boy fell to the ground, making his pain worse. He trembled on the ground, crying silently. 

“Bloody 'ell kid, whot’s wrong? Whot’s goin’ through your head?”

The Scout ignored Sniper, he wasn’t falling for the lies- figments of his imagination. He was trapped inside his own body. Why couldn’t Sniper just help him? Why couldn’t the real Sniper just listen to him. 

The figment of Sniper faded away right before his eyes; like dust being swept by the wind. 

The Scout could only stare, until his whole world started crumbling away.

 

When the Scout awoke, he couldn’t even remember closing his eyes in the first place. He was in his room. This was where he first took the medication- the other world was a lie. Of course it was though; he wasn’t as naive to think that the Sniper actually cared about him. His headache, at least had subsided. 

The Scout had the left over pills scrambled between his bed sheets. He tossed them in the bin- the Blu didn’t want to even look. They may have gotten rid of the migraine, but Scout wasn’t stupid- he would always keep pain killers in his room from now on. He learnt his mistake once and he wouldn’t make it again.

The boy jumped off his bed keen for some food and thankful there wasn’t a battle on. There could be one at any moment, luckily the announcer seemed to be taking pity lately. The Blu made his way down to the team’s tiny kitchen, ready for a fresh start. Unfortunately, his life wasn’t ever so easy.

The Sniper, was sat alone at the table; no one else in site. 

He hadn’t seen him yet; he was just sipping coffee. It was strange however; there was always someone else around. It was even stranger that Sniper was here- he was rarely seen in the kitchen. In fact, he was just generally not seen often. The young man was confused- until he glanced at the clock. 

5AM.

The Scout stared blankly at the clock and flushed red hot. He was almost scared how long he had been out for. If he was gone for a long time, why hadn’t anyone checked on him? He felt stupid, and annoyed- beyond frustrated. He just kept staring at the clock, watching it tick.

“SCOUT!!” The Blu jumped in fright when he heard his name being yelled, his heart pumping hard in his chest. 

“I said ya name like 3 times ya wanker. Whot are you doin’ ‘ere anyways?”

“I, erm, uh, um, I,I, I’m sorry!” The Scout panicked, he looked around frantically, anything to get away from those prying, hateful eyes. He wanted to run, but his trusty legs had to fail him when he needed them most. 

The Sniper blankly turned away and continued to drink his coffee. The young Blu’s breath hitched, he was stuck frozen in place staring at Snipers back. He had no idea what came over him. He kneeled to the floor, feeling light-headed and shallow of air. The Scout could only hope he would get over this strange fit before the sharp shooter turned around. He felt so embarrassed. Unfortunately, luck was never on his side.

The Australian turned around.


	3. Chapter 3

Sweat trickled down his chest, and the dog tags that wrapped around the Blu’s neck became heavier; weighing him down and choking him until he fell to the ground in a heaping mess. It felt icy against his flaming skin, and the kitchen floor felt like agony; it was itching him, and he scratched so hard that his skin became red and bloody. The Scout never experienced such a distressing feeling in his life. He pondered if he deserved this induced attack, whatever it was. After all, he had taken sleeping pills hadn’t he? And as much as he wouldn’t like to admit, the Blu remembered why he had gotten so hooked on them in the first place. The imaginary world; it was comforting and nice. But it wasn’t real.

It wasn’t.

Deep brown coloured eyes scrutinized the smaller form. The Sniper watched the Scout with careful eyes, deciphering the situation with a sort of sick intrigue. The Australian couldn’t figure out what was wrong with the hyperactive kid that was the infamous Blu Scout. His best guess was a panic attack of the sorts, but surely it couldn’t have been. The Sniper had experienced many of those bastards in his day, when he was a little ankle-biter. They weren’t his fondest memories. 

The Sniper thought it was too early for so much drama. He knew he had to do something to help Scout, but he hated close-quarter contact. He was a bloody sniper for Christ’s sake. The Scout generally made him uncomfortable, with his loud, boisterous attitude. He was never fond of those types, he preferred quieter people, calmer people. It reminded him of the rat bags he used to be in school with. The ones that caused him grief, practically throughout his entire school career. The relentless teasing had only toughened Sniper up, at least he thought it did. 

The boy didn’t even seem to register that the Sniper had knelt down right next to him. It was like he was trapped in another world. He didn’t even flinch when the Sniper placed a cold, damp tea-towel on his forehead. The only sign of recognition was the slight shift of Scouts deep, blue eyes. They watched Snipers’ every move freakishly calm, despite the disturbing, raw scratches littering the boys perfect skin. Scouts hands shook, and for some reason renounced to the Sniper, he felt compelled to put his hands over them. But he didn’t.

The young Blu seemed to relax within the Snipers presence, and the time seemed to fly away; the sun started rising and then soon, the rest of the team. The Scout felt some of himself return to his body, resisting the numb feeling surging throughout his alien body. The young boy knew he had to snap out of the trance he was in, lest someone find him in the state he was currently in. He rubbed his eyes, painfully removing the grit from them and in that moment, all his memories disappointingly returned.  
The Sniper was right next to him, glaring down at his sweaty and putrid smelling glory.

The young Blu had never felt so sheepish in his entire life. He closed his eyes, trying his best to avoid the pissed off stare that was the Snipers. He shouldn’t have been so stupid; he was ridiculously mad at himself. How would he ever live this down? He didn’t know how to apologise to the Sniper for this. He already hated the Scout with a passion. With a great deal of reluctance, he sat up and met the Snipers gaze and the tea-towel dropped from his forehead to the ground with a moist thump. 

Scout looked at it confused. He didn’t even know it was on him. With objectified horror, the Scout knew it was none other than the Sniper who placed it on his forehead. The Scout; despite everything decided now would be a great time for one of his nervous spouts of laughter. 

“Hey ya know Sniper, ya didn’t have to do all that ya know? Its not like ya ever liked me, its just’a bit frikin’ weird but don’t worry ‘bout me. Not that ya did ever worry ‘bout me, I’m jus’ sayin’ ya know? Oh god don’ hate me Snipes, I know ya already do, but that don’t mean ya gotta hate me sum more. Im tryin’ my frikin’ best here Snipes, I dont even know why this happened to me, let alone why ya went along and tried ta help me. Also, please don’t tell Doc, or anyone else fer that matter, if this gets out who knows….”

“Blimey kid, shut the hell up.” You runnin’ yur mouth loik that makes me ears bleed.” 

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry Snipes…”

“Look kid, its fine, git cleaned up and outta me face will ya.”

The Scout was taken aback by the harsh tone in the Snipers voice. He really didn’t understand the man at all, but abided his wishes and took the advice. He left the kitchen, and only when he left, did he realise how the sun had snuck out of no-where to breathe its light. He felt disgusting physically and emotionally. The Blu couldn’t wait to get to the showers, where he could be alone and away from the Sniper.  
_________________________________________________________________________________

Exhaustion finally hit the Scout when he entered the showers. He was baffled that after sleeping for so long how physically tired he was. He partly blamed it on the lack of Bonk! in his system, immediately thinking how he was going to down one after a hot steamy shower. He began to strip his clothing off his sticky skin, abandoning them in the overflowing basket of every mercenary’s dirty garments. He laughed remembering that it was Spy’s turn to do the laundry.

He entered a familiar shower stall, carrying a towel across his bony shoulders. The Scout casually tossed it over the shower door, and turned on the water to an almost scathing heat. His skin prickled from the burning sensation, but the Blu relished in the feeling. Murky, red coloured water disappeared through the drain, and he lost himself to the pain; so much that he didn’t even give notice to other people entering the room. 

As soon as Scout heard other voices, he immediately took his que to leave. He didn’t want to talk to anyone, he didn’t want to answer questions, he just wanted to get to his room as fast as possible to change into a new, fresh uniform. With minor haste, he dried himself off and wrapped his now damp towel around his waist. As the boy made an exit for the door, he gave curt nods of acknowledgement to Medic and Heavy. 

Heavy and Medic glanced at each other, confused by Scouts unusual behaviour. He was almost always hyperactive around others, with his shit-eating grin plastered on his face 24/7. To have the Scout not even make eye contact with someone else was a very strange thing, and it did not go unnoticed by the two mercenaries. 

“Leetle boy is acting strange.”

“Ja, indeed, zat boy has alvays been a vonder…mein gott, it feels like a steam room in here, how hot vas Scout having his shover? Zat silly boy, does he not know vhat zat does to the skin? I only have so many specimens.”

“Specimens, Doctor?”

“It vas only a joke herr Heavy. Anyvays, on vith ze shover, ve don’t have all day.”

__________________________________________________________________________________

Scout briskly walked through deserted hallways to the safety of his room. Here no one would bother him. The young boy begrudgingly got dressed into fresh clothes, and immediately flopped on to his sorry excuse for a bed. It felt like cardboard, but after so much time here, he had eventually gotten used to the hardness. The Blu’s entire body ached, and he felt sickeningly tired, and tried to fall asleep. But sleep never came. He commanded his body to sleep, but his body kept fidgeting; fighting. He groaned, pissed off beyond belief. He tried everything, he tried counting sheep, he tried that meditation crap, he tried doing push-ups until he collapsed. None of it made his head stop talking. He needed sleep. But how could he calm down?

Then he remembered. 

It felt like a pull. He couldn’t stop his body from moving, from going back to the pills, from going back to the freedom. He scrounged his bag for the pills, a desperation he never felt before overpowered him. He didn’t want to take them, he couldn’t, he couldn’t. But he couldn’t stop himself. The sweet state of sleep was calling to him, and he forgot what it tasted it like. 

He swallowed two pills, and relief instantly washed over him.

He felt calm now. But he was terrified. 

What had he done?


End file.
